Invisible

EDS is what you would refer to as an invisible illness; so if you were to pass by me on the street you would never know that I'm sick. I look as healthy as anyone else, and if I fake a smile, I can look as happy as anyone else too.
People don't take my illness seriously, because they cant see it. Even members of my own family seem to think I'm just fine.... in fact I had one earlier this week make some pretty hurtful comments to me about all of the medication I'm taking, and how I'm taking it for no valid reason.
My husband snapped at me this morning, for something that I wasn't able to do, once again because of the EDS. Its like, he doesn't even understand, or doesn't even want to understand.... its almost as if he believes that he can try to guilt me into getting the things done. What he, and the rest of my family, and some of my friends just dont seem to understand is.... I ALREADY FEEL GUILTY THAT I CANT DO CERTAIN THINGS. I ALREADY FEEL GUILTY THAT I CANT LIVE UP TO YOUR STANDARDS OR MY OWN. I'm angry that I cant live the life that I was living even a year ago.
The truth is that I dont remember the last time I took my daughter out for a walk on a beautiful day and that breaks my heart. I'm seriously considering having to give my two dogs up, because even caring for them has become too much for me, but I'm holding out hope that I can get proper treatment for this and that will change.
So, if you walk by me on the street, know you're walking past a person whose every joint is wracked with pain, who feels so tired all of the time, that sometimes its a struggle just to go one more step. You're walking past a person whose body is falling apart from the inside, who no longer knows what happy feels like and then some. If that to you sounds like healthy... well, then you've found me.